He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
