How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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