I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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