They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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