Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
