You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
