he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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