dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We got so high we made milksteak
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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