I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
