I think my vagina is haunted
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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