I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
