Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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