this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
