just tell him i said nine months
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
