I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
