Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
