you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
