Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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