"it" just moved
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
