She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
