I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
