I will die if light touches me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
