What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
