hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
