i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
