I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
