would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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