none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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