I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
this is an emotional support booty call
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
