I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
