the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
