Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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