She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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