i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
