Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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