Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
