Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
