Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
