You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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