We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
