oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
