omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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