sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
