Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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