She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
