Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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