I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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