It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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