I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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