i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize