Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
