I'm so fucking centered right now
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
