my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
