my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
