I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
