I like my sex mixed with concussions.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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