Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize