Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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