no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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