its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
