I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We don't watch enough power rangers
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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