The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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