Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Randomize
