I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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