Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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