I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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