I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
