Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
