you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
