We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
