My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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