he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
