Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
