Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize