she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
