Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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