I hope mine doesn't look like that
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
