i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
