Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
