You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
