I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he shaved USA in his pubs
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
