He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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