he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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