i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
