Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He did a backflip because drugs
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
