i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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