do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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