life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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